Humour, Lists

30 Things Twentysomethings Miss About University

  • Ordering a cider and black or a snakebite with zero shame. And it not costing a fiver (YES LONDON I’M LOOKING AT YOU)
  • Merrily whinging about having to read all day. Mate, what I wouldn’t do just to be able to read all day now. (And by read, I don’t mean just refreshing Buzzfeed YES EVERYONE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING WORK I’M LOOKING AT YOU.)
  • Wearing elaborate, slutty fancy dress outfits with zero shame. “YEP THE SHORTER THE BETTER! OH wait you can see my knickers? BETTER MAKE SURE THEY’RE RED AND RUFFLED THEN.”- Me at Uni.
    bloody hell brennan dorothy

    My parents are so proud

    bierkeller girl

    Here I am dressed as a classy BierKeller girl, drinking vodka out of a sports bottle.

  • Faux-ironic TV marathons in bed with your mates- favourites included Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Saved by the Bell, Dawson’s Creek and One Tree Hill.
  • Becoming an absolute QUEEN of customising branded bar-crawl t-shirts so you would look ON POINT. Or just playing it safe cutting out the neck and wearing them sexily off the shoulder. And then getting really annoyed with your male flatmate for drawing a spunking cock on it.
  • Necking a bottle of cherry Lambrini during pre-drinks. Such elegance and class.
  • Revising on the grass outside the library. Even if it meant you actually got no work done, because SUNSHINE AND CIDER we look like proper students living the University dream.
  • The eternally shit-slash-incredible acts to ‘perform’ at the Student Union. Where else could you see Dr Karl Kennedy, The Chuckle Brothers, The Vengaboys, S Club 4 and half of B*Witched in one term!?
  • Having the opportunity to actually do stuff and try things. If I’d known how much MONEY that costs in real life, my god, I would’ve lapped up everything I possibly could. I’d have got involved in Student TV, Radio, the newspaper, HELL I might have even joined BATTLE RENACTMENT SOC. Even if it would only have been to live out my fantasies of shagging Legolas.
  • The Dewey Decimal System. Such sweet yet such confusing organisation.
  • Library politics. Don’t leave your stuff all over the best desk by the window if you’re going to get lunch, this is not Lanzarote and that desk not a sunbed with a towel on it.
  • The faint smell of stale alcohol, regret and lost dignity in 9am lectures.

    Salitos beer

    yum….

  • Wearing literally wtf you wanted and no-one batting an eyelid. Hoodie and pyjama bottoms? The height of campus chic. Flip-flops and shorts in December? Go for it you crazy Rah! Last night’s slutty fancy dress outfit? SURE MATE, PERFECT ATTIRE FOR YOUR SHAKESPEARE SEMINAR.
  • House parties. Squeezing past people in slightly musty smelling corridors, to try to battle your way to the kitchen in the hope of finding any sort of receptacle to drink out of (pans, bowls and old candle holders, all totally legit) and finding the perfect place to stash your booze so it wouldn’t get nicked. In the pan cupboard or washing machine was always foolproof.

    Bloody hell Brennan

    Here I am dressed as Mother Nature (apparently) enjoying a lovely bowl of vodka and orange at a house party. SWELL.

  • Glen’s Vodka. Oh sweet Glen, the nights you and I have spent together. Such giddy innocence.glen's vodka
  • Living so close to your mates. Now that my friends and I live the length and breadth of London and the rest of the UK planning to see each other actually takes, like, planning whereas at Uni you could just holler out your window to your mate’s house over the road to see if they wanted to come over for a brew or a lovely panful of Glen’s.
  • Sleeping over in your best mate’s bed because you CBA to go home, even though you literally lived next door.
  • Initiation nights out with felt tip scrawled all over your face.’ FREHSHHHERRRRR.’
  • Being best mates with the cornershop guy, as that’s where you did you weekly shop because Sainsburys was CLEARLY too far away and carrying back all that Glen’s is just long.
  • Piling into the local curry house once a week for a massive curry. FAMILY NAAN AS BIG AS THE TABLE FOR THE WIN.
  • Ending each night out with a totally guilt-free Number 2 deal at Rooster House. (AHHH there’s that two stone I put on at uni <3)Rooster House
  • Being smacked off your tits on Apple VK after a night out clubbing. Not because of the alcohol but because of the SUGAR. HI DIABETES.
  • The day student loans dropped into your bank account. APPLE VKS FOR EVERYONE!
  • People having really nice, non-offensive nicknames like- Dickface, Rimjob, Wetter or just simply Shit.
  • Waking up and not being plagued all day with notifications on your facebook saying you’d been tagged in one gabillion photos from the previous night. Remember a time before smartphones? And selfie sticks? And Katie Hopkins? Ah it was a simpler time.
  • Student discount. Getting your free burgers in Maccy D’s and feeling swag as hell.
  • Waking up with random stuff in your room/bed. Traffic cones, piles of sleeping people, battered fish- all signs of a great night.
  • The absolute heart racing adrenaline rush of waking up late on essay deadline day. These kids that can these days just smugly submit online have never felt that sheer panic of waking up from the night before, feeling like a VK Apple Orchard rotted in your mouth and legging it to your department in see-through cheap Primark leggings and a Uni hoodie before the clock strikes 10am and you feel your marks going down quicker than the Slytherin House Points. MAN what a rush.
  • Learning. LEARNING! Just in case anyone thinks that all University is, is an endless diet of Glen’s and japes, ACTUALLY LEARNING STUFF feels fucking glorious! FEEL YOUR BRAIN STRETCH!
  • Just the general stretch of heady days filled with beautiful discovery, terrible mistakes, intensely brilliant friendships, big weighty books, wild nights, bad barbeques, late night essay bashing, too many takeaways, lashings of laughter, dubious sexual conquests, ridiculous parties incorporating every theme you could imagine, in that wonderful period just before being an adult actually has to kick in. And kick in it really does, right in the gut. What wonderful lovely days they were.
UNLEASHED

UNLEASHED

12 Comments

  1. Richard Beenham

    April 9, 2015 at 10:57 am

    I’ll not bore you with a list of my own… Suffice to say that there’s so much in here that sums up the universal student experience brilliantly. This morning it has me wistfully recalling with fond, melancholic nostalgia my own student days. It’s 20 years this year since I started my first year at Bretton Hall (now sadly closed and standing empty amidst the Yorkshire Sculpture Park), so this has been a timely reminder of the best three years of my life.
    A year or so ago I had a wardrobe clearout. And at the bottom, in a black bin bag, I found several t-shirts that were the staple of my university wardrobe, all of which were promotional t-shirts given away free at the SU bar. Stella Artois, McEwen’s, Guinness, Murphy’s Irish Stout and Diamond White were the main benefactors, and having come across them after so long, the memories that assailed me meant I couldn’t bear to get rid of them.

    Your final paragraph absolutely nails it. Especially the last sentence about adult life. Ah, if I could go back and live it all again, I’d be back there in a heartbeat. Probably. Or maybe it’s best left where it is.

  2. Bella

    April 10, 2015 at 10:14 am

    This list is so on point! I’m not sure whether it makes me want to laugh or cry – everything was SO EASY!

    Bxx
    http://www.b-jolly.co.uk

    1. bloodyhellbrennan

      April 10, 2015 at 1:57 pm

      Oh I know, we didn’t know how lucky we had it! THEM WERE THE DAYS! x

  3. Richard Beenham

    April 10, 2015 at 2:22 pm

    Yes, it was indeed so easy! It was perfectly acceptable to go to the shop that was very conveniently directly across the road from our house in your pyjamas. My favourite ever Christmas dinner was a multi-house affair that involved various elements being cooked in different houses before we convened in the appointed venue. Crossing the road holding a tray of searingly hot roast potatoes in the rain was wildly exhilarating. And downing a whole large bottle of strawberry Mad Dog 20/20 – I mean, seriously?! – prior to the Summer Ball in my final year was an experience I would happily never repeat.

    This time of year always reminds me vividly of Spring 1996, when we were devising our Documentary Theatre project about the Miners Strike. Heady days… All the earnest first year drama student intensity you could possibly imagine!

    It’s such a beautifully accurate summary, Katie… I’m sure you could find another angle on the same theme (hint…)

    X

  4. Eden

    April 10, 2015 at 6:57 pm

    Great post, definitely makes me miss Uni!

    http://www.mintnotion.com

  5. Milly Y

    April 11, 2015 at 12:27 am

    This list is SO ON-POINT! Glen’s Vodka, off the shoulder bar crawl tees…I once woke up with a 6ft stuffed bear in my bed…!

    Milly // Mini Adventures

    1. bloodyhellbrennan

      April 11, 2015 at 9:54 am

      Solid yield for a night out! Superb work! Xx

  6. Frankie The Mayfairy

    April 15, 2015 at 6:59 am

    I…. I didn’t really do any of this. I feel sad. Can we please drink and pretend so I don’t feel like I missed out? Thanks.

    1. bloodyhellbrennan

      April 15, 2015 at 11:22 am

      yes of course. WE SHOULD THOUGH! x

  7. Charlotte @ Educating Elsa

    April 15, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    I think I did uni wrong… I can’t relate to any of this!

  8. Amanda

    April 20, 2015 at 11:33 am

    All these things. And I didn’t even realise how good I had it then…. xx

    1. bloodyhellbrennan

      April 20, 2015 at 11:38 am

      I know right? Since when was it such a blooming effort to nip round your mate’s house for a brew?! UGH LIFE! xxx

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