Humour

Thoughts you have when wondering to text him back

  • omg he has text me first I am the queen of all things sex and woman.
  • sweet CHRIST I am funny
  •  he is fucking LOVING it
  • I’m totally not reading into this because I’m so cool and breezy as fuck but IMAGINE if we actually got together, wouldn’t that make a good story?!
  • still so naht reading into it because I am SO caj I’m living in the Caj Mahal but also my name + his last name = SMILEY FACE EMOJI RED DRESS DANCING LADY EMOJI
  • actually bloody hell no, his last name is absolutely terrible and I’m a fierce feminist so I’ll keep my own.
  • O EM GEEEEE he’s now stopped being polite and is now full on sexting me. I am the absolute don of sex and Baroness of Sass. Hahahaaaaaa lol
  • dick pics could not be less sexy. Literally mate send me a picture of your elbow and I’ll find it as sexy as a picture of your dick.
  • oh ffs now he wants a saucy pic of my tits. *spends next 15 mins arranging lighting*
  • WHY DON’T MY BOOBS LOOK GOOD FROM ANY CAMERA ANGLE WHEN THEY LOOK FINE IN REAL LIFE
  • oh ffs now one nipple isn’t as erect as the other
  • k send pic to best mate first to check boobs look okay
  •  k send
  •  *3 hours later* he hasn’t replied yet but has been on Whatsapp four mins ago coooooool, no no that is super.
  • I am the ugliest.
  • why did I let that lightening bearer enter the pool of my righteousness and then steal my wind?
  • right fuck it I am never texting him again
  • oh shiz McGhee what if I end up on some sort of porn site because of this?!
  • nah, nah chill, he’ll reply. he’s probably just legit busy.
  • or hates me. could go either way.
  • should I text again just to make sure?
  • NO AS IF I will look like the most desperate woman in the world!! Even though he was the one that chased me in the first place. God forbid I should look like I’M interested. NEVER TEXT TWICE. Nah it’s cool, no sweat, I’m down with it. I won’t text again for fear of looking like I might possibly be open to a sexual/romantic relationship/think he is actually quite nice. I will ignore him. Don’t hate the playa hate the game.
  • ZOMG HE REPLIED MY INNER GODDESS IS DOING SOMERSAULTS
  • fucking hell just remembered how shit ’50 Shades’ was
  • K WHAT SHALL I TEXT BACK THO 4 REAL
  • nah actually, better idea, I’m not going to reply, I’ll look much cooler that way because he text me last.
  • *refresh tinder*
  • The end. #21stCenturyDating

3 Comments

  1. Samantha

    January 26, 2015 at 11:08 am

    Hahahaaaa, this is bloody brilliant! This is my life.. xx

    Sam | Samantha Betteridge

    1. bloodyhellbrennan

      January 26, 2015 at 12:19 pm

      RIGHT!? Lovely blog by the way! x

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